I’ve been writing articles such as this for quite some time now, and the research I’ve done on what attracts men and women to each other has been going on a lot longer than that.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned to truly be entertained by, it’s some of these guys who proclaim themselves to be “great pick up artists”. Many have learned how to make a living at this, and can purportedly teach any man how to be “good with women”. And some of them have the track record to back it up.
I’ve seen several who claim to have slept with tens of thousands of women. You and I both know there’s a market for that kind of “expertise”, and LOTS of guys are willing to pay to tap into that kind of magical “way with women”.
And I believe they deserve exactly what they want. I cannot argue that.
What’s more, I don’t doubt these guys. I’m sure they are telling the truth. But I am also absolutely positive that there’s much more to success with women than “seduction”.
Why? Two reasons, mainly.
First, I’m no genius, but I’ve figured out something over the years that seems to apply here. If I singularly focus on ONE THING to the point of saturation, it soon loses its value to me. It’s just not all that fun anymore. I just don’t want to make a full time lifestyle out of keeping up with the expectation of having sex with two different women every day. I think that would, well, lose its shine after a couple of years (?) or so. To me, something that becomes a full time job just isn’t any fun anymore after a while. Besides…good grief…how much “sexual variety” does it take before the “novelty” wears off?
And that goes double if I go and make a JOB out of it, teaching other guys how to have nonstop sex. Then it’s just flat-out WORK after a short while. And I think this applies even to sex. If I slept with a different woman—no, make that two—every day for thirty years straight, I’d be around the 20,000 number that one guy I’ve read about claims to “achieved” (or is that “scored”?). And I’d be ready for a “vacation”.
Second, I…um…might at some point become interested in BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GREAT WOMAN. This, at least where I come from, typically involves spending more than half a day (max) with her. It also probably involves SEEING HER AGAIN SOME TIME.
Now, I fully understand that several of these “world class pickup artists” in the so-called “seduction community” have actually relocated to South America, Eastern Europe or other places where the women are apparently more “sexually open” than they are here in the good ol’ U-S-of-A.
Well, again. That’s fine for them. But on top of the other reasons I’ve given for not joining them, add to the list that I LIKE IT HERE. And I like the women here.
And there lies the kicker, party people. Clearly, even if a “pickup artist” achieves “greatness” in seducing women, there is always going to be a certain echelon of women that he is NEVER, EVER going to be able to have. And despite all the sexual “success” he claims, that has to be an empty feeling. I know so…because that’s what happens anytime the focus is on getting more and more of something. Greed is never sufficiently fed, is it?
I hear one of you guys out there saying, “Oh come on, McKay. Who would ever get sick of sex with two different women a day?” Well, you would. Why? Because no matter how great something is, if it’s ALL YOU’RE DOING it’s going to get BORING.
So who are these women who even the “world class” pick-up expert can’t “bed”? Simple. They’re the ones with enough self-respect, confidence and intelligence not to fall for being swindled into lowering their standards.
Take a look at the Dictionary.com definition of “seduce”:
se·duce tr.v. se·duced, se·duc·ing, se·duc·es
1. To lead away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct. See Synonyms at lure.
2. To induce to engage in sex.
3. a. To entice or beguile into a desired state or position. b. To win over; attract.
The woman who will not be “tricked” into a half-day fling with a man who wants nothing more than sex is unattainable to the “pick-up” artist. Ironically, it would appear that the more women a pick-up artist has sex with, the lower the bar gets set in terms of the pool from which he can draw from. Women who at least want to take a shot at a committed relationship just aren’t going to buy that. Ever. Neither are the women who are confident enough not to invest false hope in what are arrantly empty, deceitful promises designed uniquely to get her in bed. The most confident women who are relationship-minded are therefore out of bounds to the pick-up artist. Such women deserve what they want. And they don’t want what the seducer is proffering.
And to be sure, the man who deserves what he wants in terms of attracting a confident, feminine woman who will be a loyal mate is in a very interesting position. No, he’s not bedding countless women. He knows what all is at stake. And ironically, if he ever chose to, he could get not only the sharpest women we talked about in the previous paragraph—he could get any woman who would settle for a pick-up artist also.
Life is good when one deserves what one wants. One tends to get it. Whatever “it” is.
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the books “Deserve What You Want” and “Cook For Your Date”, and hosts the popular podcast series “X & Y On The Fly” with his fiancée Emily. He may be reached at scot at xandycommunications.net . Visit http://www.dating-advice.us/ or http://www.datetoorder.com/ for more info and a free gift. The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
CHEATERS BEWARE - The Grannie Detective tells all ... how your spouse how to tell if you are cheating ...
Ever ownder why he's too tired to make love? Do you get hang up calls late in the evening? Is he too busy or preoccupied to play with the kids? Help with homework or listen to their problems?
Maybe, just maybe, chances are he's having an affiar. So how can we ladies chek him out? As a former bail bonds lady I can tell you that cheating spouses are usually full of guilt. So handle the situation very carefully. I am currently a private investigator and have been for the past 25 years. Thi sis a very sensitive and potentially dangerous situation and must be handled with all dure care.
First it is important to document all details. So that evidence may be gathered correctly. We never want to falsely accuse someone so therefore we must be very careful that there is an infidelity situation which can be documented in several ways. I would never recommend that a woman try to be her own private investigator and try to to follow a possibly cheating spouse. You would probably end up hurt and embarrassed and most certainly frustrated. No, girls we private investigators can do it for you and we know how and how important it is to you.
I have techniques that rarely falil. Again, your job is to gather evidence of infidelity, check his "story". Was he at work? Look at his credit cards statements any sexy underwear? What about flowers? Did he send red roses to someone but it was not you? Your own long distance bill can document personal calls but when it comes to cellular phone bills leave it to the private investigators.
There are very reliable private investigators many of whom are women whom I find have a more sensitive appraoch to the delicate matter. Don't hesitiate if he is cheating, you'll find out and if he's not, well, you can love him even more.
LAURA LANFIELD is the author of the new book, BAIL BONDS BABYlON (http://www.LauraLanfield.com) and has been one of the most sought-after and successful female private investigators in the country for over 25 years.
Maybe, just maybe, chances are he's having an affiar. So how can we ladies chek him out? As a former bail bonds lady I can tell you that cheating spouses are usually full of guilt. So handle the situation very carefully. I am currently a private investigator and have been for the past 25 years. Thi sis a very sensitive and potentially dangerous situation and must be handled with all dure care.
First it is important to document all details. So that evidence may be gathered correctly. We never want to falsely accuse someone so therefore we must be very careful that there is an infidelity situation which can be documented in several ways. I would never recommend that a woman try to be her own private investigator and try to to follow a possibly cheating spouse. You would probably end up hurt and embarrassed and most certainly frustrated. No, girls we private investigators can do it for you and we know how and how important it is to you.
I have techniques that rarely falil. Again, your job is to gather evidence of infidelity, check his "story". Was he at work? Look at his credit cards statements any sexy underwear? What about flowers? Did he send red roses to someone but it was not you? Your own long distance bill can document personal calls but when it comes to cellular phone bills leave it to the private investigators.
There are very reliable private investigators many of whom are women whom I find have a more sensitive appraoch to the delicate matter. Don't hesitiate if he is cheating, you'll find out and if he's not, well, you can love him even more.
LAURA LANFIELD is the author of the new book, BAIL BONDS BABYlON (http://www.LauraLanfield.com) and has been one of the most sought-after and successful female private investigators in the country for over 25 years.
14 Tips for an Affordable but Comfortable Tropical Honeymoon
The Affordable but Comfortable Tropical Honeymoon: Tip List
1. Schedule your departure day two days after the wedding to give you ample time for rest after the activities and the celebrations. If you must travel immediately, remember to leave in the middle of the day and not the early morning so you’ll get a good night’s sleep.
2. Ask your travel Agent for Honeymoon Packages, these usually offer the best destinations for honeymooners, not to mention discounts and freebies.
3. Never, ever overbook day trips, you’re not just traveling, you’re with your new Spouse, better save up some energy for the night’s fireworks.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, ask about certain perks, events.
5. In addition to the above, don’t be afraid to request extra stuff, like a big bathtub, a double bed, or a romantic view.
6. Don’t forget to bring your marriage Certificate along with you, especially if the name of the bride is already under her husband’s name.
7. Pack your camera and lots of film; you won’t want to miss anything. You might also want to pack a disposable underwater camera and extra batteries, these are absurdly pricey in tourist spots, and you wouldn’t want to overspend.
8. Mention to anyone, especially in the café or in the tour boat, that you’re on your honeymoon, yes this may sound a bit embarrassing, but some restaurants give extras like free drinks or gifts for honeymooners. This also works for birthday celebrants.
10. If you want an active honeymoon, research and prepare for water sports; the tropics are a great place, to learn them, always remember to consult hubby before you try one though.
11. Stock up on sun protection. The higher the SPF the better, as you’ll probably be spending whole days out in the sun; you wouldn’t want to get skin cancer after just two weeks of marriage.
12. Some travel agencies include island hopping trips, these are great ways to explore, and enjoy. This is especially good because you’ll get a change in scenery, and won’t easily get bored, especially if you have an extended honeymoon.
13. Even if your valuables are inside your hotel room, keep them under lock, and if you decide to bring them with you, always watch out for stray pickpockets.
14. Bring with you a stock of candles and massage oils that you can place inside your hotel room for that romantic evening after touring and swimming.
And finally, have some fun, relax and enjoy youself.
The above article was written by Sarah Miller on behalf of http://www.homeadditionscontractors.com, an online homeowner resource and advice site on do-it-yourself home addition projects.
1. Schedule your departure day two days after the wedding to give you ample time for rest after the activities and the celebrations. If you must travel immediately, remember to leave in the middle of the day and not the early morning so you’ll get a good night’s sleep.
2. Ask your travel Agent for Honeymoon Packages, these usually offer the best destinations for honeymooners, not to mention discounts and freebies.
3. Never, ever overbook day trips, you’re not just traveling, you’re with your new Spouse, better save up some energy for the night’s fireworks.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, ask about certain perks, events.
5. In addition to the above, don’t be afraid to request extra stuff, like a big bathtub, a double bed, or a romantic view.
6. Don’t forget to bring your marriage Certificate along with you, especially if the name of the bride is already under her husband’s name.
7. Pack your camera and lots of film; you won’t want to miss anything. You might also want to pack a disposable underwater camera and extra batteries, these are absurdly pricey in tourist spots, and you wouldn’t want to overspend.
8. Mention to anyone, especially in the café or in the tour boat, that you’re on your honeymoon, yes this may sound a bit embarrassing, but some restaurants give extras like free drinks or gifts for honeymooners. This also works for birthday celebrants.
10. If you want an active honeymoon, research and prepare for water sports; the tropics are a great place, to learn them, always remember to consult hubby before you try one though.
11. Stock up on sun protection. The higher the SPF the better, as you’ll probably be spending whole days out in the sun; you wouldn’t want to get skin cancer after just two weeks of marriage.
12. Some travel agencies include island hopping trips, these are great ways to explore, and enjoy. This is especially good because you’ll get a change in scenery, and won’t easily get bored, especially if you have an extended honeymoon.
13. Even if your valuables are inside your hotel room, keep them under lock, and if you decide to bring them with you, always watch out for stray pickpockets.
14. Bring with you a stock of candles and massage oils that you can place inside your hotel room for that romantic evening after touring and swimming.
And finally, have some fun, relax and enjoy youself.
The above article was written by Sarah Miller on behalf of http://www.homeadditionscontractors.com, an online homeowner resource and advice site on do-it-yourself home addition projects.
Should You Have a Big or Small Wedding?
Once you have decided to get married, you will have a lot of decisions to make about the wedding ceremony. The first is whether it should be big or small.
Should You Have a Big or Small Wedding?
A wedding ceremony is one of those events that have always been steeped in tradition. In the classic version, all the people that are important are invited. On top of that, all the people in your extended family are also invited. This includes all such people for both the groom and the bride. Once you put it all together, you can be looking at a wedding with 200 people or more. This can result in a wonderful celebration of your bond, but it has some downsides.
A wedding with over 200 people is going to be expensive. If you doubt this, take a moment to consider the simple cost of feeding 200 people at the reception. Now also take into account the size and cost of the location for the ceremony. How about the reception? Simply put, it can quickly add up. The total cost of a wedding of this size can easily come in at $50,000 or more. Obviously, you can trim here and there when planning it, but you should still expect a significant expense.
One step more and more couples are taking is to forgo the traditional wedding. The thought of spending so much money on a one day event is simply too much. Instead, the couples usually look to more practical uses for the money in their new life together. The primary practicality is using the money for a down payment on a new home where they can live and start accumulating wealth as the home grows in value.
So, what is the correct choice? Well, it depends on your personal taste. For some couples, the wedding represents the most glorious day of their lives and they want the celebration to be the ultimate representation of their commitment to each other. For others, a more subtle celebration is enough with the purchase of a home being a better way to get their life together off on the right foot.
At the end of the day, the decision is really yours to make. If you want a big wedding, then do it. If you prefer to use the money in other ways, go ahead. As long as you both are happy with your decision, it is the right answer.
Fernando Bellingham is with http://www.weddingyeti.com - a wedding site with wedding information and resources.
Should You Have a Big or Small Wedding?
A wedding ceremony is one of those events that have always been steeped in tradition. In the classic version, all the people that are important are invited. On top of that, all the people in your extended family are also invited. This includes all such people for both the groom and the bride. Once you put it all together, you can be looking at a wedding with 200 people or more. This can result in a wonderful celebration of your bond, but it has some downsides.
A wedding with over 200 people is going to be expensive. If you doubt this, take a moment to consider the simple cost of feeding 200 people at the reception. Now also take into account the size and cost of the location for the ceremony. How about the reception? Simply put, it can quickly add up. The total cost of a wedding of this size can easily come in at $50,000 or more. Obviously, you can trim here and there when planning it, but you should still expect a significant expense.
One step more and more couples are taking is to forgo the traditional wedding. The thought of spending so much money on a one day event is simply too much. Instead, the couples usually look to more practical uses for the money in their new life together. The primary practicality is using the money for a down payment on a new home where they can live and start accumulating wealth as the home grows in value.
So, what is the correct choice? Well, it depends on your personal taste. For some couples, the wedding represents the most glorious day of their lives and they want the celebration to be the ultimate representation of their commitment to each other. For others, a more subtle celebration is enough with the purchase of a home being a better way to get their life together off on the right foot.
At the end of the day, the decision is really yours to make. If you want a big wedding, then do it. If you prefer to use the money in other ways, go ahead. As long as you both are happy with your decision, it is the right answer.
Fernando Bellingham is with http://www.weddingyeti.com - a wedding site with wedding information and resources.
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