Thursday, March 8, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Dating After Weight Loss Surgery: A Look into a Secret Social Playground
By Kaye Bailey
For younger weight loss surgery patients meeting and dating someone is a great motivator to lose weight. This is natural: we are a species that mates, often for life. But we are a picky species seeking the prettiest and brightest for our mate. That's why many of us who grew up overweight feel rejected by the species.
Overweight children who become overweight adults almost universally say they did not date during their teenage years. Too fat. Too shy. Fear of rejection. We want to think our society has evolved beyond the superficial, that we will be loved for who we are inside. Do you remember your mother saying, "Pretty on the inside is what counts." I heard that often and it confirmed what I already knew, I wasn't one of the pretty people.
Studies confirm that our evolved species is jaundiced against the overweight. Nowhere is this more evident than in the dating and mating of young people. One LivingAfterWLS community member, Connie*, now a svelte size 6 at age 30 told me, "As a teenager it never occurred to me that I would go on a date. I knew I didn't qualify because I was fat. I simply accepted the fact that I was fat, unworthy and ugly simply because I weighed more than the girls my age." She went through high school and college never dating.
I saw pictures of Connie in high school. She was a pretty teenager and a bit chubby. But she perceived herself as ugly and unworthy. Did she make herself unreachable by hiding in her obesity and self-loathing? Or did a prejudice society cause her to retreat within herself? Perhaps a little of both.
Girls Gone Wild
When the same people who suffered this rejection and self loathing through adolescence lose weight they often report a euphoria as they enter the world of "the normal." Connie told me, "When I realized I had a thin body to match my "pretty face" I moved in on that feeling and went wild making up for lost time. I became a flirt and a charmer, a real tart. Suddenly I was one of the girls I used to hate, the kind who never buys her own drink or dinner, the girl who is the social hub of the office. I told myself life isn't fair and for such a long time I was on the rejection side of unfair, now it was my time to take. At last I was a member of the secret society of pretty people."
Weight loss surgery counselors report this is not uncommon, though they suspect more patients experience this euphoria than just those who are talking about it. One counselor for a renowned bariatric center told me, "You know who they are when they come for their follow-up. They are wearing sassy clothes and they have hairstyles and make-up. These are the girls we saw a year before in bib-overalls without make-up wearing their hair in a ponytail. Now they've lost this weight and blossomed into gorgeous women and they are on the prowl making up for lost time."
Post-op Romeos
Counselors tell me it's not just the women who transform. This counselor has seen her share of "post-op Romeos." Overweight men are notoriously the "funny guy" who is loud and often the brunt of the joke. Evan*, a WLS-Romeo told me, "I used to make the fat joke before someone else did." Evan was wearing tailored trousers, a perfectly pressed shirt and tasseled loafers. He was indeed handsome. He said, "I never dated, never even considered it. Who would want to date a whale?" he asked poking fun at his former self. "Now I have ladies flocking to me and my motto - 'Love them all.' I'm not sure this [weight loss] is going to last so I'm not wasting any time. 'Love them all' " he repeated.
*Names changed per request of the subjects.
Kaye Bailey © 2006 - All Rights Reserved
An award winning journalist and former newspaper editor Kaye Bailey brings expertise in writing and personal experience with gastric bypass surgery to EzineArticles.com. Kaye Bailey is the founder of LivingAfterWLS, an online market driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness.
LivingAfterWLS
LivingAfterWLS Blog
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kaye_Bailey
http://EzineArticles.com/?Dating-After-Weight-Loss-Surgery:-A-Look-into-a-Secret-Social-Playground&id=141162
For younger weight loss surgery patients meeting and dating someone is a great motivator to lose weight. This is natural: we are a species that mates, often for life. But we are a picky species seeking the prettiest and brightest for our mate. That's why many of us who grew up overweight feel rejected by the species.
Overweight children who become overweight adults almost universally say they did not date during their teenage years. Too fat. Too shy. Fear of rejection. We want to think our society has evolved beyond the superficial, that we will be loved for who we are inside. Do you remember your mother saying, "Pretty on the inside is what counts." I heard that often and it confirmed what I already knew, I wasn't one of the pretty people.
Studies confirm that our evolved species is jaundiced against the overweight. Nowhere is this more evident than in the dating and mating of young people. One LivingAfterWLS community member, Connie*, now a svelte size 6 at age 30 told me, "As a teenager it never occurred to me that I would go on a date. I knew I didn't qualify because I was fat. I simply accepted the fact that I was fat, unworthy and ugly simply because I weighed more than the girls my age." She went through high school and college never dating.
I saw pictures of Connie in high school. She was a pretty teenager and a bit chubby. But she perceived herself as ugly and unworthy. Did she make herself unreachable by hiding in her obesity and self-loathing? Or did a prejudice society cause her to retreat within herself? Perhaps a little of both.
Girls Gone Wild
When the same people who suffered this rejection and self loathing through adolescence lose weight they often report a euphoria as they enter the world of "the normal." Connie told me, "When I realized I had a thin body to match my "pretty face" I moved in on that feeling and went wild making up for lost time. I became a flirt and a charmer, a real tart. Suddenly I was one of the girls I used to hate, the kind who never buys her own drink or dinner, the girl who is the social hub of the office. I told myself life isn't fair and for such a long time I was on the rejection side of unfair, now it was my time to take. At last I was a member of the secret society of pretty people."
Weight loss surgery counselors report this is not uncommon, though they suspect more patients experience this euphoria than just those who are talking about it. One counselor for a renowned bariatric center told me, "You know who they are when they come for their follow-up. They are wearing sassy clothes and they have hairstyles and make-up. These are the girls we saw a year before in bib-overalls without make-up wearing their hair in a ponytail. Now they've lost this weight and blossomed into gorgeous women and they are on the prowl making up for lost time."
Post-op Romeos
Counselors tell me it's not just the women who transform. This counselor has seen her share of "post-op Romeos." Overweight men are notoriously the "funny guy" who is loud and often the brunt of the joke. Evan*, a WLS-Romeo told me, "I used to make the fat joke before someone else did." Evan was wearing tailored trousers, a perfectly pressed shirt and tasseled loafers. He was indeed handsome. He said, "I never dated, never even considered it. Who would want to date a whale?" he asked poking fun at his former self. "Now I have ladies flocking to me and my motto - 'Love them all.' I'm not sure this [weight loss] is going to last so I'm not wasting any time. 'Love them all' " he repeated.
*Names changed per request of the subjects.
Kaye Bailey © 2006 - All Rights Reserved
An award winning journalist and former newspaper editor Kaye Bailey brings expertise in writing and personal experience with gastric bypass surgery to EzineArticles.com. Kaye Bailey is the founder of LivingAfterWLS, an online market driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness.
LivingAfterWLS
LivingAfterWLS Blog
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kaye_Bailey
http://EzineArticles.com/?Dating-After-Weight-Loss-Surgery:-A-Look-into-a-Secret-Social-Playground&id=141162
A Look At Some Of The Secrets Of Online Dating For Men
By Gregg Hall
Online dating is becoming the most popular way of meeting new people. It allows you to meet people that you might not otherwise have a chance to meet. You are also not limited to women in your local area, but can look for ladies all over the world if you choose to.
Another great thing about online dating is that it allows you to screen the person before actually meeting them. You can look through literally thousands of profiles, narrowing your selection to the specific type that you are looking for. It's also a lot less expensive than taking numerous women out on dates without knowing if they are the right one for you. Many sites offer the service free or for a small monthly charge. Now you can view prospective dates at your leisure and not have to worry about hurting their feelings, should you decide not to contact them.
Once you have posted your profile, don't be surprised if the women that you contact show extreme caution in their correspondence with you. Not everyone posts the truth about themselves and women are afraid of men who might be predators, as they should be.
In order for you to get women to agree to go out with you, be truthful in your profile. Give an accurate description of your looks and don't worry if they aren't movie star handsome. Everyone has a type and there's sure to be ladies that find you attractive enough to want to go out with you. Be honest about how much money you make or choose not to include it in your profile. Pretending to make more money than you do will just cause a woman who might otherwise be interested, to not trust you after they find out the truth. Most women are looking for men that make an honest living, so don't be ashamed if you're not a millionaire
Post lots of pictures of yourself. Women enjoy looking at pictures and they like men who are confident. If you don't post a picture, they might wonder if you have something to hide.
When you make contact with the woman of your choice, be sure to allow trust to develop. Take your time and let her get to know you. Don't press her personal information like where she lives or her actual name. Don't ask her out until you feel that she has reached a comfort level that will make her say yes.
Always offer to meet her at a public place, so that she feels safe. If possible, meet her during the day. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant; coffee bars are a great place to meet. They also have the added advantage of not being expensive, so neither of you will feel obligated to continue the date if you don't want to.
Remember to just be yourself and let the ladies get to love the real you.
Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about this as well as Dating Tips at
http://www.datingsecretsplus.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gregg_Hall
http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Look-At-Some-Of-The-Secrets-Of-Online-Dating-For-Men&id=290151
Online dating is becoming the most popular way of meeting new people. It allows you to meet people that you might not otherwise have a chance to meet. You are also not limited to women in your local area, but can look for ladies all over the world if you choose to.
Another great thing about online dating is that it allows you to screen the person before actually meeting them. You can look through literally thousands of profiles, narrowing your selection to the specific type that you are looking for. It's also a lot less expensive than taking numerous women out on dates without knowing if they are the right one for you. Many sites offer the service free or for a small monthly charge. Now you can view prospective dates at your leisure and not have to worry about hurting their feelings, should you decide not to contact them.
Once you have posted your profile, don't be surprised if the women that you contact show extreme caution in their correspondence with you. Not everyone posts the truth about themselves and women are afraid of men who might be predators, as they should be.
In order for you to get women to agree to go out with you, be truthful in your profile. Give an accurate description of your looks and don't worry if they aren't movie star handsome. Everyone has a type and there's sure to be ladies that find you attractive enough to want to go out with you. Be honest about how much money you make or choose not to include it in your profile. Pretending to make more money than you do will just cause a woman who might otherwise be interested, to not trust you after they find out the truth. Most women are looking for men that make an honest living, so don't be ashamed if you're not a millionaire
Post lots of pictures of yourself. Women enjoy looking at pictures and they like men who are confident. If you don't post a picture, they might wonder if you have something to hide.
When you make contact with the woman of your choice, be sure to allow trust to develop. Take your time and let her get to know you. Don't press her personal information like where she lives or her actual name. Don't ask her out until you feel that she has reached a comfort level that will make her say yes.
Always offer to meet her at a public place, so that she feels safe. If possible, meet her during the day. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant; coffee bars are a great place to meet. They also have the added advantage of not being expensive, so neither of you will feel obligated to continue the date if you don't want to.
Remember to just be yourself and let the ladies get to love the real you.
Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about this as well as Dating Tips at
http://www.datingsecretsplus.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gregg_Hall
http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Look-At-Some-Of-The-Secrets-Of-Online-Dating-For-Men&id=290151
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